Tudo bem

Tudo bem. Minha amiga Joanna, inspirou-me de escrever qualquer coisa aqui, porque ja' passou mais de um ano desde meu ultimo jornal. Tambem, eu sei que Jo podia entender esse "blog" porque ela tem habilidades a cima de media em "Espanol". Ok...novidades...uh, como podes ver meu Portuguese melhorou muito entre estes anos. Neste momento estou nos EUA mas no dia 15 de Janeiro voltarei a Mocambique para mais um ano ali. Meu contracto terminou em Dezembro, mas decedi extender o contracto porque ainda senti que existia muitas coisas e projectos que eu queria fazer e completar. Na minha opinao, dois anos nao e' suficiente, mas eu acho que o Corpo de Paz nao podia implementar um limite minimo de 3 anos porque pessoas nao haviam de entrar. Ok, deixa me clarificar...dois anos e' suficiente mas nao para todos, espcialmente se o voluntario teve a experiencia de mudancas de locale "o sitio" ou outras dificuldades familiares ou medicinais.

Ok, nao tenho nada mais dizer neste momento mas no proximo jornal hei de falar mais dos projectos que faco em Mocambique. Ta bom?

Obrigada!

Tiff

Looking Inward

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I really cant stand it when does that!” But then you later come to realize that you do that very thing too!? I think this month has been a month of me being honest with myself and truly thinking about all of the ugly things about myself. I have done this before in the past, but I’d have to say that this was the first time I was completely honest with myself. It was probably one of the hardest things I have done in terms of attempts at personal development. To truly sit down and be 100% honest with yourself. I mean when those feelings or thoughts that bring you shame creep in…not shuting them out but actually listening to them and writing them down. And also taking note that the list is a working list because you probably cannot possibly write it all down in one sitting…thoughts that you’re accustomed to blocking out wont all come flooding in at one time. I go back to the list and write more as the ugly thoughts come. When I sat back for the first time and looked at my list I almost came to the conclusion that I didn’t like myself which is partially true I guess. But I quickly found refuge in the thought that if I was bold enough to be honest with myself as an effort to make myself a better person well then…I can’t be that bad! And the best part of it all is I do truly feel like I can change now that I am aware of it all and am being honest with myself. Of course it won’t be change overnight but consciousness is the first step and the rest will come with time. To anyone reading this…if I have EVER hurt your feelings, made you feel less than, or ever not been there when you felt you needed me then please right now accept my most sincerest apology…but also, please tell me so that I can apologize on a much more personal level and so that we can talk about it! I was seriously probably and am still probably completely clueless to the situation. It’s like Evanessence said, “I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems”, but I am awake now…or am awakening rather. So when I say that it is partially true that I don’t like myself…its because there are a lot of things about myself that I don’t like and that must change. I’m not striving to be perfect…that’s impossible, but I do want to be the best person I am capable of being. I really mean that as cliché as it sounds.

In other news, I’ve been really surprised recently how fast time goes by without the use of tv or the internet. I can remember using those modalities as a means of speeding up time, but here in the bush (hehe…every time I say that I still kinda laugh) I have not had a moment of nostalgia when it comes to the tv or the internet. I feel so accomplished at the end of my day when in my spare time I entranced myself into my guitar or a good book or further developed my Portuguese or Changana skills. Its nice. Its nice to feel myself intake more vegetables and enjoy it. I’ve said before that the fruits and vegetables here are much more flavorful, but I also think that my taste buds have changed because of the unavoidable diet change. Its great. I love it.

That’s all I have for now.

October Email

"The soul would have no rainbow if the eye had no tears." – Native
American Proverb

Então a minha alma é uma arca íris de corres brilhantes. So my soul
is a radiant rainbow of colors.
I think I can only describe my experiences in the past few months as
an awakening. There was darkness like there is when you are asleep,
but now I am awake with a new perspective in possibly every aspect of
my life now. I was overwhelmed by a number of things but most
notably, as I mentioned before, the "death and suffering." While some
may be thinking "Well duhhh, that should be expected in a developing
country", they may not understand what I mean when I say "death and
suffering" as I myself did not understand what those words really
meant up until now. I'm not talking about seeing starving people in
the street or losing my neighbor to AIDS…which I am experiencing as
well. But rather when I say I'm overwhelmed by death I'm referring to
that death that approaches like the way the calm and silent waters
drown a man. I mean to say that the speed at which sicknesses seize
people here seems to be more rapid than what's expected. My boss who
passed away in July died from hypoglycemic shock…I know hypoglycemia
is a serious condition, but from what I hear the remedy that could
have saved her was as simple as giving her a piece of candy or a spoon
of sugar! And then with the passing of my host brother…we found out
that he was diagnosed with Cancer and not even 24 hours later he
passed away!!! I know that death does not sound a trumpet, but damn!
And when I talk about suffering, I'm not talking about the mother who
breast feeds her daughter for two years because of lack of food…I'm
talking about that kid that can recite Shakespeare and talk about the
theories of Erik Ericksen from self initiated reading but who may
never have the chance to attend college. I'm talking about those
students who were never taught to critically and creatively think
(this is a skill that we truly take for granted in the states). I'm
talking about that girl who feels she has to sleep with her teacher to
pass the class, and I'm talking about that bright girl who doesn't
sleep with the teacher and fails the class. And yes I am talking
about that mother who doesn't receive "pmtct- prevention of mother to
child transmission" because she's too afraid to be tested for HIV and
ends up passing the virus onto her unborn child. And I'm talking
about those who test positive at our local clinic that has been said
to have a HIV+ rate of 50% and won't have any access to any treatment
until they are officially considered to have AIDS. Did you know that
in the states where we have an HIV rate of <1%, those who are HIV+ can
start treatments to minimize the virus from multiplying? But in
Mozambique (and the majority of Africa) where there is a 20% HIV+ rate
(I really think its higher) there is no treatment for HIV+ people only
treatment for once the virus has advanced into AIDS…that is, once your
body has become so weak that it can no longer fight off its own
infections. AND this treatment for AIDS has only been available in
Africa in the past 4ish years??? Prior to then there was nothing!
But do you know what that means? Think about it! Actually the doctor
who is noted as starting the first ARV (antiretroviral) treatment plan
in Southern Africa is one of the doctors for Peace Corps here.
So, that's what "death and suffering" is to me more or less. But
really these are all constant reminders of why I am here. Sure I'm
not a doctor administering medication, but I'm here doing the best I
can and that is all I can ask of myself. Things definitely are not,
by any stretch of the imagination, "easy" but these constant reminders
are my abundant access to fuel to keep me running. One lady said that
the mere presence of a volunteer in her community changed her home
dynamics. She said, "My father didn't allow any of the girls to leave
the home to continue schooling even in the nearby city. All my
brothers got to go. But when he started seeing these female Peace
Corps volunteers living out here in the bush so far away from their
families he decided that he too could let his girls go a little away
from home for school. Now my younger sisters have no problem being
able to leave home for school." I think that's pretty awesome.
So here I am awakened and renewed with a new perspective. My mentor
Cliff Faulkner once told me, "Find ways to balance a productive
awareness of truth with a commitment to make the world better."
That's my new creed. A productive awareness of truth…that's my fuel.
September 28th marked a year in country for me. They say your first
year in the Peace Corps is really just you learning how to live in
your new country. I still have a lot of personal goals and work goals
to accomplish (my job, by the way, is going great…I will write a lot
more about that next time.) To those still reading my updates…thank
you for continuing to walk by my side on this journey.


To New Perspectives!

Novos Pensamentos.

Oi,
Agora sento um pouco melhor e acho que posso escrever com menos tristeza esta vez. Stou em Maputo para um curto descanco, mas hoje volto para Chicumbane. Da ali' vou a praia la no Inhambane a Tofo. Queria ficar la por duas semanas. Parece que quando coisas maus acontecem, nao parrem entao estou a lutar este tempo de loucura. No Sabado comprei a minha viola...gosto muito de tocar. A razao principal que eu tinha aprendido foi para tempos assim, tempos de stress, tempos quando nao sei como concentrar, como pensar, como respirar. Quando toco, crio um mundo onde stou sozinha e nao tenho que fazer nada...so toco. Entao, acho que daqui coisas vao melhorar e finalmente hei de comencar viver de nov. Viver no meu novo sitio de Chicumbane a onde eu adoro muito. Vivo sem namorado, sem complicacoes (ok claro que a vida sempre tem complicacoes) mas sinto me como eu estou a reininciar a vida. Acho que o Deus tratou me assim para eu aprender o que significa de verdade de viver. Agora nao posso dizer que "Claro que eu ja sei o que significa para viver" Mas eu posso dizer que eu tenho mais um idea que ue tive antes de este periodo. Tenho que sair agora. Brigada pelo seu tempo.

Death

Death. Thats all I see right now. My host brother died on Tuesday August 28th at 2am and I am devestated. Thats the third death for me in three weeks. His funeral was yesterday. I didnt do so well at the funeral. And that was the second funeral for me in one week (the first funeral i went to does not include the three deaths Im affected by). Death and suffering...such a constant theme in life. My host brother was my light here in Mozambique. I've never in my life loved a child that wasnt my blood as much as I loved him. His death was the first close death that I have experienced in my entire life. I'm not ok, but I will be ok. I have our happy memories to hold on to and his beautiful pictures. Thats all for now.

Nova Vida em Chicumbane

Ok, I know my presence on my blog is practically non existent and I apologize. Internet access is a bitch at times to put it lightly. But to catch you up quickly due to a whirlwind of events I have moved to the southern part of Mozambique and am at a new home in the province of Gaza. The village I live in is called Chicumbane. Its soooo lovely and fortunately, I love, love, love my new home. It’s in the bush …a nice contrast to my 3 bedroom flat with 3 balconies that I had in Chimoio. My new house is a house made of sticks, branches, cement and tin. The sticks are very much like bamboo, except they are much thinner. Inside the walls are of cement. This type of house is called a canisu house. Fortunately, I do have electricity inside which is rare for a canisu house. I do not have an indoor bathroom. My bathing facility is a small canisu annex outside of my house. One room is a small drain in the floor where I take my bucket baths. The other room is my latrine another yet larger hole in the floor where I do my business. Let me take a minute to explain what a bucket bath is as I recently learned from my mom that most may have a romanticized idea of what it is. No it is not me sitting in a huge bucket of hot water like you see in the western movies. Its me with a small bucket of water and a cup. I use the cup to scoop up water and pour it over me shower style. Got it? Good. I no longer have a roommate…I live alone, well alone despite frequent visits from very large spiders, centipedes, ants and bats. There are also little geckos that are pretty much my unofficial pets. Fortunately all the creatures are harmless and the humongo spiders are definitely more afraid of me than I am of them. All of this definitely beats the monsterous roach infestation I incurred in Chimoio. Right now in my house I feel like my own extreme makeover home edition team as I am working on painting my whole house. Its actually proving to be a nice stress reliever. The theme is warm and frilly with hues orange, salmon, browns and crèmes. My house is surrounded by lush greenery. At certain angles Chicumbane looks like a jungle, other times a rainforest, and other times it looks like a meadow from a scene in the Lion King. It really depends on where you are standing at any given minute. In my yard I have a mango tree (to someone who eats 7 mangos a day during mango season…this is heaven), an orange tree, lemon tree, and coconut tree. Isnt that cool? Everyday I enjoy the sights of heards of cows passing by my house leaving behind clouds of dust from the sand they kick up. I also enjoy the goats passing and the chickens and roosters running through my yard. I tried feeding the chickens some bread yesterday, but they apparently don’t eat that. There are no paved roads in Chicumbane, only ones made by natures clay colored sand.

My new organization is amazing! Its called ACOSADE (Associacao comunitaria para saude e desenvolvimento “The Health and Development Association”). We are very small and don’t even have an official office yet. We currently work out of an extra room in the house of our president. We have a computer but are working on getting internet access. This organization is very proactive and proud of the projects they have managed to accomplish despite their small frame and small time in existence. We work with orphans, people living with HIV and AIDS and people in the bush of the bush. Because of the type of work we do in the rural communities…I now enjoy the challenge of learning yet another language called “Chanagana” which is the local language of the southern region of Moz. My org is soooo on top of things. The day I arrived they handed me with loads of papers describing the organizational structure, timelines and photographs of their past and present projects, detailed and completed project proposals, and charts showcasing their vision and goals for the future! Wow! What would take months of trying to figure out they gave to me in a matter of minutes. They have soooo many ideas and goals of what I can do. And they really want to me to assist in helping to find them funding as well as teach English in the community…and while I usually grit my teeth to requests such as these…I am more than happy to do it for this organization because I can clearly see the need. This org has done soooooooo much considering the lack of funding that they have. The members do not even receive salaries! They all hold primary jobs, but their passion is primarily with the organization and it is clearly made a priority by all of them. My goal of the moment is to find as many organizations and international partners as possible. If there is anyone interested in giving to this organization please contact me at tiffany.s.Williams@gmail.com and I will be more than happy to provide more information about what we do.

But my organization has really received me with warm arms. They actually recently lost their first volunteer who unfortunately had to “early terminate” her service. Well, it was a blessing in disguise because without her absence I couldn’t be here. They have already taken me out to the more rural areas where we do our work. And I mean bush. There were monkeys running around and the houses were all made of mud or canisu with thatched roofs. No one in these areas speak Portuguese…its all Changana out there. By my fourth day at site I had attended the funeral of a local leader out in one of the areas we serve. He was what they call the Regu. The man who performs a ceremony which allows people access into the Sacred Forest of Chirindzene. I know this because I will have to partake in this ceremony once the new Regu is named because Acosade does projects in the sacred forest. One of our projects is a honey production income generation project. So the Regu was in charge of performing this ceremony which involved the killing of two chickens without the use of knives (they are beaten to death) and after the chickens are cooked those wishing to enter the forest must eat of the chickens. If you’re a vegetarian…well, too bad I guess. The Regu who passed away was a polygamous man who had 5 wives, 24 children, and close to 60 grandchildren. When I approached the house where the funeral would take place I realized that despite my efforts I was not completely dressed appropriately as all the women had on capulana skirts and their heads were covered. As for me…I had the capulana down, but didn’t know I had to cover my head. My colleague also forgot so fortunately I was not alone. All the women sat on the floor, and the men sat in chairs. My colleague and I were the only females in chairs, but apparently it was ok since we were visitors. We were greeted (men first and then the women). I soon realized that we arrived with the priest, because our party was escorted to the front and the guy that was sitting in the front of the car I arrived in began leading the ceremony. There was a lot of scripture reading and singing. Then a casket was brought from inside the house. A tattered Mozambican flag was drapped over the casket. More singing and scripture. Then the casket was opened. And the wailing began. The cry of these women was so piercing that it evoked tears out of me…I felt foolish crying at the funeral of a man I never even met so I covered my eyes with my sunglasses. After the last viewing of the body, the casket was closed and they began to carry it away…then the funeral party followed. We walked down a dirt road and began to enter the sacred forest of chirindzene. Uh oh? Was I allowed in? My collegue assured me that I was entering an area where it was ok for me to enter without undergoing the ceremony. As soon as we entered the forest I began seeing species of plants and insects I had never seen before. Vines draped the forest in every direction. I felt like I had realized my dream of seeing a rainforest from inside. We reached an area where a grave had been dug out. There was more scripture and song. Then at the very moment where it was apparently time to lift the casket into the grave we were greeted by a huge gust of wind (on a non windy day). As soon as the casket entered the grave that’s when the real wailing began. One woman even passed out. Then two bundles of the Regus clothes wrapped in sheets were brought out and placed down in the grave on top of the casket. They ripped open the sheets. Then an esteira (a sitting mat) was cut into two pieces and also placed into the grave. Then a brand new blanket was ripped in the center and draped over the casket and the belongings. Then the priest over scripture took a handful of dirt and threw it on top. The congregation followed throwing handfuls of dirt. Then song was sung until the grave was completely covered and a mound of dirt was formed over it. Then various plants and flowers were planted on the dirt mound and 20 liters or water was brought out

I´m doing mais ou menos

Hey folks. Just wanted to say that I know its been a while since I´ve written. I actually wrote a nice lil´post a while back specifically for my blog but I guess it never saved. dont know why. I was kinda mad when it didnt post. And since then the internet has been so slow and never lets me log in. I´m thrilled i by chance got to log in now...but the cafe is closing in 3 minutes so....

abriged update:
I´m good.
Work is ok.
Working with a lot of youth...they seem to think I´m this point person for coordinating youth groups and so I´ve been having lots of random teens show up at my doorstep asking for me to be the coordinator of their groups or to help them for clubs...flattering but random!
I got a puppy and hes adorable!


Nutshell. Sorry. I promise I will write more. I swear! Be well. Bejos!

Quero falar em Portuguese agora.

Eu sei que o melhor gente que pode ler este blog, nao vai conseguir de ler isso, mas por um razao, gostaria de escrever em portuguese. Tambem, sei que meu Portuguese ainda e mau, mas nao e importa. Hoje, eu sinto um pouco doente. E doi em meu "throat". Esqueci como dizer "throat". Anyway, nao tenho muito tempo para practicar de escrever em Portuguese entao estou a escrever agora. Durante a semana atrais ate agora, sinto um pouco triste. Nao sei se e por causa da saudades para a minha familia ou so porque nao estou contente em meu servico ou o que. Meu servico e bom, mas e um trabalho de escritorio...e para mim isso e deficil. Nao gosto de trabalhos de escritorios. Ai, mas acho que vou conseguir. Realmente, em minha opinao...acho que meu sentimento e por causa dos assuntos dos os primeros mezes do servico dos voluntarios (whoa, that was really bad portuguese). Bem Bem. Mas, porque tenho tempo de descancar aqui em Maputo, e dar me tempo para pensar mais de Chimoio e minha situacao la. Devo sentir saudades, mas estou frustrada com a minha casa. E ainda tem muitas barrattas e deficil de viver assim! Nao estou contente com este situacao. Espero que as barrattas vao deseparecir. Anyway, in other news...estou a perdir de peso! A minha mae disse me isso ontem quando estava a vistar a minha familia. Isso e a primera vez que uma mocambicana diz me uma coisa boa sobre meu peso...aceito. Bem Bem...nao vou escrever mais, porque todo gente que poder ler bem o Portuguese esta a rir do meu Portuegues. Hehehe. Sim. E tudo! Ate a proxima! Fica bem. Bejos!